How did I get here again? Why did I do this to myself? I had lost 67 lbs back in 2010. I had kept it off right up until 2012, then I let it all creep slowly back on. WHY? Oh, who knows why. I can't figure that out now, all I know is that it is time to do something about it again. I can't roll out of bed efficiantly anymore! I can't bend over to tie my shoes without my fat roll getting in the way. I wear a rotation of black yoga pants every single day and even those are starting to get uncomfortable. What have I done?
I'm 5'7" - 240 lbs. I'm fat. If you don't like that I'm calling myself fat, than this is not the blog for you. I call it as it is. I'm not going to sugar coat anything I go through because I'm afraid I may offend someone. This is real life, and real life is more often than not hard, ugly, and dirty.
Today, I start my journey on the medically supervised weight loss program called "Optifast". I'm choosing Optifast because I need to have a signficant amount of skin in the game. I need real clinical accountability. I need the professional hands on of a physcian, an addiction therapist, and a nutristionist. I'm sick of trying and failing on my own. Don't get me wrong. I'm a fiercly independant woman! I own my own business. I am a single Mom of two kiddos. I make my own money, own my own home, car, and pay my own bills. I don't ask for help very often, but it comes a time when one must be smart enough to realize that they don't have the ability or the skill set do something on their own. I can't lose weight on my own, I need help. I suppose that is the first step in realizing that a program like Optifast is right for you, knowing that you can't do this alone and a group leader, a gym buddy, a mother or sister, the lady who lost all the weight from work is just not enough. Time to put all your chips (the poker kind and the Lays variety) on the table, antiup and get this done for once and for all. That is where I'm at.
I've spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars on every weightloss product out there. You name it and I have done it...unsucessfully. So, when they told me how much Optifast would cost me, I swallowed hard, did some research of my own, put pencil to paper on how much I think I've spent already losing the weight and made the decision. They have told me that it costs around $2800 for the program. YIKES, right? I don't think so. Am I worth $2800? Oh yes, and a lot more. I've spend that on a half a year of dance classes for my daughter. Why wouldn't I do this for myself? I deserve it. Yes, I deserve it. I keep saying that to myself over and over and over. When I wrote out the check yesterday for the first $125.00, I repeated that mantra. I'm worth it.
Yesterday, I had my first initial consultation with the Doctor that watches over the process. My blood pressure is high. My official diagnosis is "Obesity." That just sucks to hear, but is very motivating. She asked me a bunch of questions about why I would want to drink chalk and eat cardboard. Yes, she actually said that! A lady in a white coat with a sense of humor. I liked her right away. I explained having skin in the game (the money) and the accountability of the proffesionals. She warned me that if I didn't follow the program all the way to the end that I would end up being right back here again. She warned me that it is not easy to take in 800 calories a day and exercise for an hour a day. She warned me that this was the step before you did baratric surgery. That this is the mother of all weight loss programs. She told me that I will lose a lot of weight and lose it fast if I did what I was supposed to do. She told me that this would be an emotional journey. I foamed at the mouth hearing all of it. She didn't scare me one bit. I'm ready.
Today, I have some tests. I have a bunch of blood work to be done to determine if my thyroid is normal, and all my internal crap is working right. I also have an EKG. It doesn't make sense to do this program if there is an underlying problem that is going to inhibit your ability to participate. So level out the playing field. Start with a clean slate. Let's figure out if my insides are all ok. Is my sugar ok, my cholesterol? I'm sure its not. I'm sure it is high, and that will scare the piss out of me. FEAR is one of the best motivators. So, let's get scared. I'm going to need all the motivation I can get. If all my tests come back ok, I will start with the optifast food next Thursday. Oh yeah, let's start a diet during the Holidays! Oh, dear... Are you ready? Are you ready to go through this wild ride with me? I promise it will be entertaining, and I promise to be as honest and I can to help anyone out there on the fence about this program. I promise to answer any questions you may have. I'm ready to be the science experiment! I'm ready for March of 2015 cause that is when I will hit my goal weight. I have a plan, just need the shakes.
No comments:
Post a Comment