I'm so sorry to anyone that was following this blog when I disappeared. On December 16th, I found out I was pregnant. The good folks at the Optifast program immediately had me stop taking shakes and gave me a firm boot out of the program, but told me I could join them again once I had the baby.
To make a long story short, I lost the baby naturally on Feb. 1. I was 14 weeks. It was a very difficult time, and I spent the next two weeks sucking on my thumb, eating cadbury eggs and feeling sorry for myself. When I was able to pull myself together, I called the clinic and they took me right back. Today is my first official day back.
I have hemmed and hawed whether or not I should continue this blog. There are so many out there and I just didn't know if I had the energy to continue it. I have felt pretty defeated lately. Then, this morning I went on 3fatchicks.com - which I love because of how real it is. I saw some of my old threads and got back in touch with some of the people that I had been talking with. So many people search the net looking for advise. They just want to see what they are up against, and if I help just one person then this is all worth it.
So here I am. Again.
I start shakes again today. I go for my first "official" weigh-in tomorrow. I'm scared to see what I have done to myself since December 16th. All fingers are crossed that I haven't slidden to far back.
Cheers to beginning again! If I can do this again... someone out there reading this can do this too. It is yours to have. Go get it. Don't wait any more. Let's do this together.
Monday, February 23, 2015
Monday, December 15, 2014
Day 25: Cheating.
I cheated this weekend. I ate an entire jar of pickles. I saw on the label that they were zero calories and I just woofed them down. Thor himself couldn't have stopped me. They were delicious. Absolutely 100% delicious. Because I'm not allowed to weigh myself, I don't know if that did any damage! We shall see.
I found these amazing things called Swanson Flavor Infused Broths. We are allowed to add chicken broth or beef broth as an addition to our shakes. I just had my first one "Thai Ginger" it was spicey and yummy! I have found that at 3pm - I crash like Dale Sr into the left turn at Daytona. I need a little "pick me up." They have a ton of flavors. I had my shake and a coffee mug of the Thai Ginger broth. Delicious and just what the Doctor ordered. I read also that if hunger is an issue you can put some fiber into your shakes.
Check out these broths! Here is the link to see the flavors:
http://swanson.campbellskitchen.com/SBOurProducts/Products?name=FlavorInfusedBroth
Boredom is my number one demon. When I get bored I want to eat! I watched my precious little 5 month old nephew this weekend, which didn't allow for me to keep busy really...and I was ravenous all weekend. It sucked! I need routine, and looked forward to getting back to work where my mind is busy.
On a completely different note, my boyfriend has been much much better. Maybe he stumbled across my blog. I don't know, but it is as if a light bulb went off inside of him. He is lucky he is so stinkin' handsome!! He has stayed away from the booze on weekdays. Weekends he has been a lot easier with the drinking. I haven't told him yet how much nicer it is to have him not on an emotional roller coaster ride. He goes to the gym with me every single day. He has been more supportive. It certainly is nice to have support at home!
I found these amazing things called Swanson Flavor Infused Broths. We are allowed to add chicken broth or beef broth as an addition to our shakes. I just had my first one "Thai Ginger" it was spicey and yummy! I have found that at 3pm - I crash like Dale Sr into the left turn at Daytona. I need a little "pick me up." They have a ton of flavors. I had my shake and a coffee mug of the Thai Ginger broth. Delicious and just what the Doctor ordered. I read also that if hunger is an issue you can put some fiber into your shakes.
Check out these broths! Here is the link to see the flavors:
http://swanson.campbellskitchen.com/SBOurProducts/Products?name=FlavorInfusedBroth
Boredom is my number one demon. When I get bored I want to eat! I watched my precious little 5 month old nephew this weekend, which didn't allow for me to keep busy really...and I was ravenous all weekend. It sucked! I need routine, and looked forward to getting back to work where my mind is busy.
On a completely different note, my boyfriend has been much much better. Maybe he stumbled across my blog. I don't know, but it is as if a light bulb went off inside of him. He is lucky he is so stinkin' handsome!! He has stayed away from the booze on weekdays. Weekends he has been a lot easier with the drinking. I haven't told him yet how much nicer it is to have him not on an emotional roller coaster ride. He goes to the gym with me every single day. He has been more supportive. It certainly is nice to have support at home!
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Day 20: Start of week 4
Starting Weight: 239.5
Current Weight: 222.8
Total Loss: 16.7 lbs
I can't believe that this is the start of my fourth week. It really has gone by fast. I had my offical third weigh-in today. 222.8! Yaaay! I didn't think I would lose anything - but that means 3 lbs this week. That made me feel so much better.
One of my goals we set was to stay off the scale this week. Man oh man, that is going to be hard! Just stick to the plan and weigh-in once a week. I am going to do my best.
We also talked about loving ourselves this week. It sounds really lame, but the paper she gave me about the things we do to ourselves is very interesting. I'm going to look at it once a day and try to call myself out on negative self-talk and many of the other things I do to myself. I have to be my own best friend.
So no more weigh-ins this week! I will write about other stuff that is going on. I haven't had any problems with constipation, or headaches, or anything else for that matter. It is not a hard diet to stay on. I'm allowed to have beef broth, and chicken broth if I want...in ADDITION to the shakes. Those things give me the nutrients and vitamins I need. I can even have a sugar free jello! That feels like cheating to me though.
Current Weight: 222.8
Total Loss: 16.7 lbs
I can't believe that this is the start of my fourth week. It really has gone by fast. I had my offical third weigh-in today. 222.8! Yaaay! I didn't think I would lose anything - but that means 3 lbs this week. That made me feel so much better.
One of my goals we set was to stay off the scale this week. Man oh man, that is going to be hard! Just stick to the plan and weigh-in once a week. I am going to do my best.
We also talked about loving ourselves this week. It sounds really lame, but the paper she gave me about the things we do to ourselves is very interesting. I'm going to look at it once a day and try to call myself out on negative self-talk and many of the other things I do to myself. I have to be my own best friend.
So no more weigh-ins this week! I will write about other stuff that is going on. I haven't had any problems with constipation, or headaches, or anything else for that matter. It is not a hard diet to stay on. I'm allowed to have beef broth, and chicken broth if I want...in ADDITION to the shakes. Those things give me the nutrients and vitamins I need. I can even have a sugar free jello! That feels like cheating to me though.
Monday, December 8, 2014
Day 16, 17, and 18: Jinxed myself
Starting Weight: 239.5
Current Weight: 224.7
Total loss: 14.8
So, I lost on Day 16. I was down to 224.9. Then day 17 I gained! 225.4. Today, day 18, I lost - 224.7. What I did differently yesterday was that I didn't go to the gym! I took the day off. I was pretty bummed out again that little weight gain, and I've read that sometimes you have to shake things up a little bit to get it going again. So, I did two things. I didn't go to the gym, and I drank 2 cups of beef broth and it was YUMMY. There is a lot of sodium, but low low calorie. 15 cals per cup! But 800 mg of sodium. I'm starting to get sick of the soup. Anyway, it worked I lost it.
I'm still not on track to where I want to be. I want to lose 3-4 lbs a week, which is not unrealistic. They say you can do this on the program. I was at 225.8 at my last weigh in. So, I've only lost 1.1 lbs and I get weight in on Wednesday! Poo....
Current Weight: 224.7
Total loss: 14.8
So, I lost on Day 16. I was down to 224.9. Then day 17 I gained! 225.4. Today, day 18, I lost - 224.7. What I did differently yesterday was that I didn't go to the gym! I took the day off. I was pretty bummed out again that little weight gain, and I've read that sometimes you have to shake things up a little bit to get it going again. So, I did two things. I didn't go to the gym, and I drank 2 cups of beef broth and it was YUMMY. There is a lot of sodium, but low low calorie. 15 cals per cup! But 800 mg of sodium. I'm starting to get sick of the soup. Anyway, it worked I lost it.
I'm still not on track to where I want to be. I want to lose 3-4 lbs a week, which is not unrealistic. They say you can do this on the program. I was at 225.8 at my last weigh in. So, I've only lost 1.1 lbs and I get weight in on Wednesday! Poo....
Friday, December 5, 2014
Day 14: This is way too easy.
Starting Weight: 239.5
Current Weight: 225.5
Total Loss: 14 lbs
It is as if I'm waiting for something bad to happen! For a craving to drive me insane, or constipation, or a bad bloodwork result...maybe I shouldn't jinx it. This diet, to me, is easy. There are no choices, no planning, and no thinking. Not that I won't have to learn how to do those things better in the future in order to keep the weight off. It just makes it very easy right now. All of my cravings are gone. Do I miss food? Sure. I see it on TV and I think "YUMMY!" That is as far as it goes though.
I can hear all the nay-sayers now. "It is such a low calorie diet, it can't be healthy for you." Well, being 80 lbs overweight is far worse. What works for some people won't work for others. This was not easy the first week or so. I was miserable! I had headaches, and moodswings. I just kept imagining the end result and it got me through.
Current Weight: 225.5
Total Loss: 14 lbs
It is as if I'm waiting for something bad to happen! For a craving to drive me insane, or constipation, or a bad bloodwork result...maybe I shouldn't jinx it. This diet, to me, is easy. There are no choices, no planning, and no thinking. Not that I won't have to learn how to do those things better in the future in order to keep the weight off. It just makes it very easy right now. All of my cravings are gone. Do I miss food? Sure. I see it on TV and I think "YUMMY!" That is as far as it goes though.
I can hear all the nay-sayers now. "It is such a low calorie diet, it can't be healthy for you." Well, being 80 lbs overweight is far worse. What works for some people won't work for others. This was not easy the first week or so. I was miserable! I had headaches, and moodswings. I just kept imagining the end result and it got me through.
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Day 12 & 13: Strengths & Weaknesses
Starting Weight: 239.5
Current Weight: 225.8
Total Loss: 13.7
I had my second offical weigh-in yesterday at the Weightloss Institute. My blood pressure is way down! Yaaay! We went over a questioniere about nutrition & activity knowledge to find my strengths and weaknesses. I did really well except the part about having a recovery plan and stocking my house with nurtitional foods. I realize that coming up with a recovery plan is going to be essential in my ability to be successful in keeping the weight off. A recovery plan means that if you fall off the wagon eating healthy, you need to be able to get back on as soon as you can. Not a week or so away or a month...no more than the next day! I have a tendancy to just let it roll....
Current Weight: 225.8
Total Loss: 13.7
I had my second offical weigh-in yesterday at the Weightloss Institute. My blood pressure is way down! Yaaay! We went over a questioniere about nutrition & activity knowledge to find my strengths and weaknesses. I did really well except the part about having a recovery plan and stocking my house with nurtitional foods. I realize that coming up with a recovery plan is going to be essential in my ability to be successful in keeping the weight off. A recovery plan means that if you fall off the wagon eating healthy, you need to be able to get back on as soon as you can. Not a week or so away or a month...no more than the next day! I have a tendancy to just let it roll....
Monday, December 1, 2014
Day 11: Who am I?
Starting Weight: 239.5
Current Weight: 227.6
Total Change: 11.9
No loss today! How can one eat 800 calories a day with exercise and not lose even .1 lbs? ..Oh well, I'm really proud of myself for making it through this 5 day Thanksgiving break with my kids and not cheating once. Not even wanting to cheat. I didn't even get all of my shakes in today.
Something I realized I may not have done is talk about who am I and how I got here. I'm 38 years old. I have two children. One girl on the cusp of being a teenager and one boy who just turned 10. I own a printing and marketing company with my ex-husband. He and I are actually really great friends. We work well building our business and co-parenting our two kids. In fact, I got the family house in our divorce. I live in the 4 bedroom portion, and he lives in the 2 bedroom apartment. I know, I know...seems like we should have just stayed married. No. We are great friends, like a brother and sister. We did not do marriage well. This is a much better place for us. We also had bought some property, which he got in the divorce, and he is living in the apt. so he can save up some money to build. I have a boyfriend that lives with me and is also a sales person for us at our business. Crazy huh? We all get along really well. I love telling people about our situation and watch them get uncomfortable. We are all totally comfortable with it. Our number one priority is raising these kids without drama, our number two priority is growing this business. All the players have stock in it all aspects of it. It works. I have yet to officially met my ex's new girlfriend, but she seems like a lovely person! I'm excited for him to meet someone that is good to him, and good to our kids. It takes a special person to fit into this funny little equation, but it is not hard. We simply don't want drama. Don't stir our very balanced little pot with insecurity and drama. If you do, you won't last. Ask any of the four other girlfriends that have come around. One of them is now one of my best friends! It didn't work between her and my ex because as he wasn't ready to make large commitments. She and I became great friends, and her daughter and my daughter are best friends. Life is a funny thing...sometimes the universe puts people into your life for a reason.
I wasn't a heavy child. I wasn't a heavy teenager. I was always an athlete with a strong athletic yet curvy build. It wasn't until after I had my first child that I gained a lot of weight. I put on 80 lbs during my first pregnancy and didn't take it off. My second pregnancy was fine, I didn't gain hardly anything but still never lost the weight. I tried everything, weight watchers, Atkins, pre-made food diets, bodybuilding.com diets, the caveman diet...you name it. I would lose a little and then gain it all back. UNTIL - I did a shake fast through the Concord Hospital in 2009. I lost 67 lbs. It is a lot like Optifast with a lot less options. I found my confidence and got a divorce.
After that program I dialed it in even more and lost another 23 lbs. I was 152 lbs 5'7". That is skinny for me! I have a lot of natural muscle and big boobs so I will never be a 120 or 130 pounds without looking sick. I did a tough mudder, which was amazing! I ran several 5ks, 10ks and finally a 1/2 marathon. I felt amazing! I started lifting weights and putting curve into places I didn't know I could. Weight training is the difference between a good looking body and a great looking body. My body looked awesome and I was so happy. I loved being single. Then I started dating.
Going out to eat with the new boyfriend didn't help. It also didn't help that he didn't like to work out. Why did I go out with this guy again? I spent 9 months of my life slowly losing all that I had put into myself because I was so concerned with making him happy. That is what I tend to do - work on other people instead of myself. By month nine I had sent him packing and found a new guy that loved to exercise, hike and be active. He also like to eat and drink. In the beginning we did a ton of active things and that slowly stopped. Real life started kicking in, he was moody. Up and down and all around and I found it hard to predict what he was going to be like. He was unhappy with several aspects of his life and I concerned myself with ways to help him. I'm still in this relationship today.
The difference this time around is that I'm focusing on me. If this relationship falls apart because I can't babysit it then so be it. I have to take care of myself so that I can take care of my children to the best of my ability. Back to me.
Current Weight: 227.6
Total Change: 11.9
No loss today! How can one eat 800 calories a day with exercise and not lose even .1 lbs? ..Oh well, I'm really proud of myself for making it through this 5 day Thanksgiving break with my kids and not cheating once. Not even wanting to cheat. I didn't even get all of my shakes in today.
Something I realized I may not have done is talk about who am I and how I got here. I'm 38 years old. I have two children. One girl on the cusp of being a teenager and one boy who just turned 10. I own a printing and marketing company with my ex-husband. He and I are actually really great friends. We work well building our business and co-parenting our two kids. In fact, I got the family house in our divorce. I live in the 4 bedroom portion, and he lives in the 2 bedroom apartment. I know, I know...seems like we should have just stayed married. No. We are great friends, like a brother and sister. We did not do marriage well. This is a much better place for us. We also had bought some property, which he got in the divorce, and he is living in the apt. so he can save up some money to build. I have a boyfriend that lives with me and is also a sales person for us at our business. Crazy huh? We all get along really well. I love telling people about our situation and watch them get uncomfortable. We are all totally comfortable with it. Our number one priority is raising these kids without drama, our number two priority is growing this business. All the players have stock in it all aspects of it. It works. I have yet to officially met my ex's new girlfriend, but she seems like a lovely person! I'm excited for him to meet someone that is good to him, and good to our kids. It takes a special person to fit into this funny little equation, but it is not hard. We simply don't want drama. Don't stir our very balanced little pot with insecurity and drama. If you do, you won't last. Ask any of the four other girlfriends that have come around. One of them is now one of my best friends! It didn't work between her and my ex because as he wasn't ready to make large commitments. She and I became great friends, and her daughter and my daughter are best friends. Life is a funny thing...sometimes the universe puts people into your life for a reason.
I wasn't a heavy child. I wasn't a heavy teenager. I was always an athlete with a strong athletic yet curvy build. It wasn't until after I had my first child that I gained a lot of weight. I put on 80 lbs during my first pregnancy and didn't take it off. My second pregnancy was fine, I didn't gain hardly anything but still never lost the weight. I tried everything, weight watchers, Atkins, pre-made food diets, bodybuilding.com diets, the caveman diet...you name it. I would lose a little and then gain it all back. UNTIL - I did a shake fast through the Concord Hospital in 2009. I lost 67 lbs. It is a lot like Optifast with a lot less options. I found my confidence and got a divorce.
After that program I dialed it in even more and lost another 23 lbs. I was 152 lbs 5'7". That is skinny for me! I have a lot of natural muscle and big boobs so I will never be a 120 or 130 pounds without looking sick. I did a tough mudder, which was amazing! I ran several 5ks, 10ks and finally a 1/2 marathon. I felt amazing! I started lifting weights and putting curve into places I didn't know I could. Weight training is the difference between a good looking body and a great looking body. My body looked awesome and I was so happy. I loved being single. Then I started dating.
Going out to eat with the new boyfriend didn't help. It also didn't help that he didn't like to work out. Why did I go out with this guy again? I spent 9 months of my life slowly losing all that I had put into myself because I was so concerned with making him happy. That is what I tend to do - work on other people instead of myself. By month nine I had sent him packing and found a new guy that loved to exercise, hike and be active. He also like to eat and drink. In the beginning we did a ton of active things and that slowly stopped. Real life started kicking in, he was moody. Up and down and all around and I found it hard to predict what he was going to be like. He was unhappy with several aspects of his life and I concerned myself with ways to help him. I'm still in this relationship today.
The difference this time around is that I'm focusing on me. If this relationship falls apart because I can't babysit it then so be it. I have to take care of myself so that I can take care of my children to the best of my ability. Back to me.
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